Friday, November 7, 2014

The Time is Nearly Upon Me

I've been working like crazy lately. My husband has a job where he works evenings, I work days. When i'm not at work, I'm pretty much a single parent. Same for my husband. The biggest drawback is that he gets such broken sleep as he doesn't get home until past two in the morning. The poor man ends up needing to wind down from work and not getting to sleep until around four, which inevitably means that the girls will wake up extra early so he has to get up when I leave for work.
Firstlings of Fall

However, through all of this, we are beginning to adjust and adapt. It may not be in the most efficient way, or in a way that allows us to get all that we need to done, but we are adjusting nonetheless.

Autumn is setting in here, and that is helping to keep my spirits up. My runs are becoming more and more breathtaking, which allows my creative juices to pour out in more liberal helpings.  I do so love a liberal helping of creative juice.

My fingers are itching to write' so much, in fact, I scrambled through the house to write thoughts on a page,and could not, of course, find anything to write on. I finally, succumbed to desperation and wrote in my journal, leaving a disclaimer that it was thoughts on a story and not my everyday burbling.

I wrote! It was atrocious! But I wrote. And I want to write so much more now! It is bothering me to not be able to have more time. Even now, I want to skive off sharing these thoughts with you just so I can write an actual story; share a world that I have created.

Thankfully, that time seems to be moving upon me soon. Things at work are lightening in my load, allowing my thoughts to be more free and open to the stories lurking in the shadows, my in-laws will be coming at the end of this month to stay for 4 months.  They are coming to spoil the girls, and I think I will let them.

I am so ready to write. I would stay up all night and write if my work and mothering didn't suffer because of it.

Some may wonder why I don't cut the strings and go in whole hog... Why don't I quit my job and write and make my way in a glorious tale of beating the odds?  Because I won't allow myself that luxury.

My family matters more to me than anything, even over writing.  To write, for me, is like eating and drinking.  It is a passion, a love, a sweet dream that sustains my soul.  But my family is my soul's oxygen.  I need my family protected and taken care of before I indulge myself. That is the way it is for me.  I cannot allow my family to suffer for the sake of my dream. It is mine and not theirs. And it is not necessary for them to suffer just so I can finish it faster.

I will write. I will sing on every page that I am blessed to entreat.  But I will wait if I must. When I have a moment, a day, a week, I will take it.

On a side note: my birthday is coming up and my husband has decided to shower me at random times with gifts.

He knows me so well!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sleepwalking in reality's dreams

I am exhausted. I wish I could say that I am coherent at the moment. All that keeps me on the fringe of consciousness is my diet cherry coke.

My husband just got a new job, hence the absence and the exhaustion.  I work days; he works evenings. So our days seem a little more like single-parenting than we'd like.  We'll just say that an adjustment period is upon us for the time being.  Hopefully, we will adjust quickly and things will even out soon.  I hope.

Things at work are amping up.  Towards the end of the year there are new things to pick up and learn that I haven't initially been trained in because well, they're only done once a year.  I have a business trip next week, and other important things coming up.

And it is fall, so Halloween is nearly upon us.  This evens it out for me, though it does add a certain level of stress in trying to fit in the family fun activities; like going to a pumpkin patch, getting costumes ready, decorating the house, and trying to remember all the stories and movies I watched at this time of year when I was growing up.

Let's just say I'm trying to take this one day at a time, on an average of 4 hours of sleep.  This is truly a difficult feat for me as I'm a hibernator.  I am one who enjoys snuggling deep within my cave of blankets and sleeping through the deep of night and into the warmth of morning. I relish my sleep, and at the moment, I envy its dreams and peaceful breathing.  It soothes my soul, calms my nerves, and keeps me levelheaded.

Needless to say, on four hours of sleep average for the past week or so, I've been a bit short with my girls.  It's annoying to not be able to control that snap attitude that blasts out of me when the girls act like, well, the little children they are.

But here I am, now rambling at you, and basically trying to say that this gibberish is my attempt at adding inspiration and creativity into my day.  It's been filled with everything else so far, and I think it required a little color on top.

Have a good evening, everyone! I hope to return soon, with more rest in my bones, and a better tale to spin.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Small Trinkets of a Treasury

I decided that today I would share a few old poems I wrote several years ago.  Feel free to comment, critique, or just enjoy:

10/28/2004
happy trees
dance and sway
in the joyful wind.


leapfrog leapfrog
hopping down the way
where is he going?
i cannot say.
but he hops
and he hops
hopscotching all the day
until he tires of hopping
and then hops home to stay.

10/29/2004
serpentine likeness
a body of shedding flesh
a mouth of smooth pink cotton
and the eyes of such predators
engulf the living whole
after its own touch of venom
slowly digesting the corpse
over an agonizing week
comprising a painful acidic death
its rattle should have whispered it
your mind should have decoded it:
warning you of its guise.

9/20/2006
may i go blind
and miss the sun
may i go deaf
and live in silence
may i be mute
my tongue limp and useless
may i never smell
another aroma of Christmas
but may i lose your love
then please
take my eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and fingers
with you
without you
they can only sense the darkness



Photo courtesy of Melanie Doi

i remember crayons
little fingers grasping tight to its
cerulean body
splashing the white paper with color
that only he could give it.

i recall sunshine
red tricycles glowing from its light
making it the greatest in all the world
the fastest in all the earth
more beautiful than all diamonds

i danced with a thousand fairies
flew with a thousand hawks
saw a thousand circuses
and laughed at a thousand jokes

i spoke a thousand languages
wrote a thousand books
i saw a thousand wonders
 that no one else could see
i lived a thousand adventures in every memory.

i could have kept going
but alas growing up took a hold of me and i forgot
as you did.

Photo courtesy of Melanie Doi