Friday, November 15, 2013

Anti-Collaboration and a Mess of Epiphanies

So I'm guessing no one cares to ask me anything, or at least, come forward and ask.  That's alright anyway, I'm extremely shy and very protective of my work.  However, I'm ready to begin coming out of my shell. 

It is bugging me that I still have so far to go in my writing journey.  I just sat reading a book written by John Flanagan (The Brotherband Chronicles, book 2: The Invaders), and then I took a break and read some of my short stories.  This included one that was written when I was in a very different place in my life.  I read two or three of them, all the time amazed that not only had I written them, but that I was enjoying them just as thoroughly as when I was reading John Flanagan's words.

Why am I not published yet?  Fear.  That's my answer to myself, and I know it to be true.  I also know that I am now angry at that answer.  I can do this.  I can write, and I've been given a gift to write.  Why am I not sharing it with the world?

I sit and watch Lindsey Stirling, the Piano Guys, Alex Boye, Pentatonix, those harp-playing twins, and all of these gifted people on youtube sharing their talents, their lives, and their happiness at having found their joy and their purpose in life, and I'm jealous.  I'm actually jealous!

I want that!  How come I can't have that?  Fear.  It's not to say that these people never felt that fear.  They most likely did, every one of them.  The difference, though, between them and me: they overcame that fear and put it out there anyway.

It's that saying that comes back to me: the worst they could say is "no."  The worst that anyone can tell me is that they don't like my writing.  Is that really so terrible?  Not really.  You can't please everyone, so you know someone is not going to like what you do. 

Just yesterday, I was listening to J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on CD as I made my way home from work.  The article about Hagrid's half-giant status had just come out in the paper and Hagrid wanted to resign his post as Care of Magical Creatures teacher.  Dumbledore, ever the wise wizard, said, "Honestly, if you're holding out for  approval, I believe you will be in this cabin for a very long time."

I already know that people aren't going to like it.  However, that doesn't mean there won't be any who do like it.  Even more, there's a chance that people will love it!  So why not take the leap and see if I fly or if I fall? 

So now I just need to finish this book.  There's a simple statement that has a whole lot more weight than you could imagine.

It's all in my head.  I'm halfway there, I just need to keep trekking, or as Dori from Finding Nemo says, "Keep swimming, just keep swimming."

I have short stories that I can try and publish in the meantime.  They may not get me much money, but they might open that door a crack and allow people to see that I'm about to unleash the hounds.

And yes, I have been writing lately.  It's coming along.  I would say it is coming along well, but first drafts never seem to want to come as easily as you think they will.  That is why editing is wonderful, and should never be forgotten.

There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.  ~Ernest Hemingway

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