No Expectations, No Regrets

Every day that I update, I get more excited, but I also feel more anticipation, more expectation, the pedestal begins to be built.  I hate pedestals.  I build them up under myself and eventually I tear them out from under myself and watch myself fall spectacularly.  But if I don't make any goal and I don't take any steps, I never get anywhere.  So where is that middle ground?

All I know is that I must do this for my family, and I must do this for myself.  The rest is bonus.  So I will do my best to find the meaning in why I do things, not the expectations from others.  After all, do we live for the world or do we live for something else?  What do you live for?

Some say I live for me. Well, I, I live for my children, for my family.  And I live for more than that. Living for something is intrinsic to why I write.  It is the embodiment of my existence.  I don't think I reveal any more of myself than when I write.  My spoken words come out too quickly and often I am unable to edit them.  Thereby, like everyone in the world, I tend to say things, and everyone misses the true meaning behind my thoughts. 

Thoughts are such spectacular globs of emotion, color, dreams, thoughts, and memories that so much is lost in translation to begin with.  When I write, I can peel apart the glob, spread it out before me and study it, then translate it to the best of my ability into the English language.  Only then, do I feel I've given you a decent summary of those thoughts.  And even after, I realize I miss things and misrepresent areas of it.  But at least I get further than when I rush to say the first words that spring forward out of my mouth. 

What a tricky business it is, getting our true selves across in life to those around us in the world.  And in such a fast paced, self righteous world, we are easily caught up in the judgment of others as we also deploy to those around us.  It makes for a lonely world.  And a darkening world. 

So I will take my time, and open my thoughts to you.  Not because I want to, or because I think I can say or do anymore than anyone else.  It is to assure you that you are not alone, and the world is not as dark as we may have come to believe.  If you focus on the shadows, you miss out on the rays of the sun. 

So write to connect. Write to reveal the light.  Write to show the world that we can still connect.  All is not yet lost.